My journey through life...

Oh God, I have tasted Thy goodness...

2010-06-23T01:25:00.000-07:00

"Oh God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscience of my need of further grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire. O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, that so I may know Thee indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, 'Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away.' Then give me grace to rise up and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wondered so long. In Jesus' name. Amen"

A. W. Tozer

That's up to Him

2010-04-03T20:58:00.000-07:00

In a book I’m reading called How to Worship Jesus Christ by Joseph Carol, he shares this story:

On one occasion, I loved in the home of a woman who had seven children and a very unsympathetic husband. She had lost two other children at birth. Though she had a large home o care for and attended to the family business in her spare time, I never saw her disturbed once. There was always the fragrance of Christ about her life, and I marveled at it.

While staying in her home during a conference, one morning about five o’clock, I noticed a light filtering in past the door; so I opened it very quietly and saw this women kneeling by her piano. I quietly closed the door. The next morning the same thing happened, and the next morning the same thing again.

So, I asked her, “What time do you rise to seek the Lord?”

She replied, “Oh, that is not my decision. I made a choice a long time ago that when He wanted to have fellowship with me I was available. There are times when He calls me at five; there are times when He calls me at six. And on occasion, He will call about two o’clock in the morning, think, just to test me.”

Always she would get up, go to her piano stool, and worship her Lord.

I asked, “How long do you stay?”

“Oh, that’s up to Him.” When He tells me to go back to bed, I go back. If He doesn’t want me to sleep, I simply stay up.”

Am I willing to make that choice? I know that I desire to. I know that if I do He will hold me to it. Lord, give me the strength and desire to be able to make this choice, that I would make myself completely available to You when You desire fellowship. May I count all things loss and rubbish that I may gain Christ and be found in Him!

Jesus! I am resting, resting...

2010-03-15T23:58:00.000-07:00

Jesus! I am resting resting
In the joy of what Thou art;
I am finding out the greatness
Of Thy loving heart.
Thou hast bid me gaze upon Thee,
And Thy beauty fills my soul,
For, by Thy transforming power,
Thou hast made me whole.

I desire so greatly to be able to sing the first few lines of this song; to be able to say to my Lord Jesus that I am completely resting in Him, and in the joy of who He is. It seems that I find myself too busy to truly rest in Him. Joseph Carroll, in his book How To Worship Jesus Christ, talks about the lessons that the Lord taught on prayer and the first being that prayer, “…is aloneness, secrecy, communing with God on the basis of a blood-sprinkled mercy seat.” It was coming to understand what that meant that he says his quiet time was revolutionized. It wasn’t a time of trying to get through his prayer list within a certain amount of time. Instead, he states, “I simply knelt down and quietly meditated upon the fact that I was in the presence of the Lamb of God and worshiped Him.”

I allow my life to be filled with too much noise to allow for that amount of aloneness and quietness. My Lord is holy, and great, and mighty, and beautiful, and has a loving-kindness that endures forever. “Love can only be cultivated adequately in aloneness with the one you love,” according to Carroll. How do I get that aloneness? How do I cultivate that love? These are the things I desire to learn. It seems like an easy thing to get alone, but I wish it were so. I feel the Lord many times calling at my heart, “Come. Just spend time with Me.” But, unfortunately I give myself to other loves.

The first commandment that the Lord gave Moses on that mountain top was, “You shall have no other gods before me.” Jesus, when asked what the greatest of the commandments was said that we are to love the Lord our God with all of our heart, out mind, our soul, and our strength. He is to be the first and foremost in our lives. He is to have preeminence over all other things.
Lord, please forgive me. I confess that I am an idolater and an adulterer. Just as you called the church at Ephesus to repent when they left their first love, I repent Lord. Teach more what it is to worship You. Teach me how to cultivate that love and intimacy with You. Lord, teach me to rest in the joy of who You are, that I might be transformed. Amen.

Lessons From Marriage

2009-11-24T04:47:00.001-08:00

So Mandie and I have been married for 5 months and 4 days now, and I can’t even begin to imagine a better 5 months in my life. Married life has been such a wonderful blessing, and my precious wife is the second greatest gift I could have ever received from the Lord (the first being my redemption in Christ Jesus). I’m really beginning to see what I’ve heard so many other married friends express about their marriages. Marriage really does teach you about yourself and your faults and sin. Those things are never an easy thing to have to confront. It reminds me of the subtitle to Gary Thomas’ book, The Sacred Marriage (wonderful read by the way). The subtitle says, “What if God intended to make you holy rather than happy?” Now don’t get me wrong, there is a great deal of joy and happiness in my marriage. Just thinking about and seeing my dear love brings a huge smile to my face, and those warm feelings in my stomach, but there is a lot that the Lord is teaching me.

One of the big things that I’m learning is from Philippians 2:3-4 which says, “3 Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” I’m starting to see how much this verse is contrary to the way my life is. The Lord is showing me how selfish and prideful that I really am. There is so much that I do for myself, thinking I deserve it and I could be doing more to serve my wife. For instance, we are in the process of moving. I came home yesterday from work, I was tired from the weekend, I had to go to a second job in a couple of hours, so I sat down, had a little dinner and took a nap because I was tired. That might not normally be a bad thing, but again, we were moving, my had been up just as long as I had, and was going to come home from work and start packing without a nap. I could have looked past my own tiredness and spent a little time helping get a few things packed. Instead I justified not doing it by saying that I was tired, I was fixin’ to go to work, and needed a nap. I could have counted her as more significant than myself, but instead, I was looking towards my own “needs.”
It’s like the first chorus line of Keith Green’s song Make My Life a Prayer when he says, “And I want to thank you know, for being patient with me. Lord it’s so hard to see, when my eyes are on me.” It really is harder to see how much I need to serve my wife when my eyes are fixed on me. Unfortunately, I know that I have a lot of learning to do in this area, and I am so thankful that I have a patient and loving Father as well as a patient and loving wife. So…as I continue in such a wonderful season of life in marriage, I pray that the Lord would not only give us a joyful and loving marriage, but also use our marriage to make us more holy, that we might cultivate a deeper passion and love for one another as well as a more intimate walk with our father.

Make My Life A Prayer

2009-10-27T03:24:00.000-07:00

Make My Life A Prayer
by Melody Green

Make my life a prayer to You,I
want to do what you want me to,
No empty words and no white lies,
No token prayers, no compromise,

I want to shine the light you gave,
Through Your Son, you sent to save us,
From ourselves and our despair,
It comforts me to know you're really there.

Oh, I want to thank you now,
for being patient with me,
Oh, it's so hard to see,
when my eyes are on me,
I guess I'll have to trust
and just believe what you say,
Oh, you're coming again,
coming to take me away,

I want to die, and let you give,
Your life to me, so I might live,
And share the hope you gave to me,
The love that set me free,

I want to tell the world out there,
You're not some fable or fairy tail,
That I made up inside my head,
You're God, The Son, you've risen from the dead.

Oh, I want to thank you now,
For being patient with me,
Oh, it's so hard to see,
When my eyes are on me,
I guess I'll have to trust,
And just believe what you say,
Oh, you're coming again,
Coming to take me away.

I want to die, and let you give,
Your life to me, so I might give,
And share the hope you gave to me,
I want to share the love that set me free.

Just some thoughts

2009-10-12T07:07:00.000-07:00

So…I’ve been thinking. Yesterday, Adam asked us why and how can and do we love God with all of our heart, mind, soul, and strength. That’s really been on my mind a lot this morning. I’ve really been thinking through the passage in Galatians 2 where Paul says that we are crucified with Christ, and it’s not us who live, but Christ who lives in us. As I think on that, I think about what Alan brought up about the passage in Deuteronomy and how God told Israel that they won’t love Him with everything, and just how I can’t love Him like that. The only way for that to be possible is that I surrender and step back and allow Christ to show that love. That’s really been a humbling and freeing thought to me this morning. On one hand, I’m am just so convicted about how much I get in the way, and though I try to love, so often it’s in vain. On the other hand, what a comfort that I don’t have to. I put it that way only because I know I just can’t sit back and be lazy about it. there is obviously the fact that I have to choose to love, but with that I have to choose to surrender and humble myself and allow the love of Christ work through me. Just some things that I’ve been thinking on this morning.

Who's in control?

2009-04-02T14:38:00.000-07:00

I had an interesting thing happen to me yesterday. A couple of days ago a friend of mine was on the phone with a family member about some wedding plans for his wedding. I told him about some of the things the Lord had been convicting me about. I said that he needs to lay this in the Lords hands and let Him plan it and to just be obedient to what the Lord says. He is in control.
Well it’s amazing to know that the Lord will hold you accountable to what you tell other people. My fiancée and I have been trying to plan our honeymoon, and things just seem to keep falling through. As I was at my friend’s house yesterday, I was trying to get a place worked out and I guess I was showing my frustration. Well… my friend came up to me and said these words, “You know, a friend just told me recently that the Lord was in control and just to let Him plan things.”
Wow! What a reminder. Not even a whole day after I had just spoken those words to him, it was as if the Lord was checking to see if I really believed what I told my friend. I kind of shrugged it off, almost with a feeling of pride. Almost saying to myself, of course I believe that. But did I really?
I am so glad that my Father is an active pursuer of me; that He doesn’t just leave me in my sinful thoughts. I say that because today, more and more avenues kept closing in our destinations for our honeymoon and I’ve spent most of the day frustrated at this company my parents have been using to get us a place. It’s been easy for me to blame the company for everything, that way I can justify my feelings. But as I sit here at work, the Lord brought back to mind the conversation that I had with my friend yesterday.
I have to remember who is in control, and you know what? It’s not me. I might like to think I am or that I’m wise enough to make my own plans, but I’m really not. It just reminds me of what the Scripture says in Proverbs 16:9, “The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.” The book of James says this:
Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. James 4:13-16

In each instance, no matter what I may plan, the Lord is ultimately in control. For me to even think that I can I know better, I boast in my arrogance, and that is evil.
Lord, please forgive me. I repent of my arrogance and lack of faith. Even in something that seems as small as picking a honeymoon destination, I know that you are in control and know what’s best for us. So I lay this in Your hands, and ask for Your grace and strength to help me to be patient, trusting, and obedient to what You have to say. Amen!

Relying on God

2009-02-23T03:42:00.000-08:00

The Lord greatly used something yesterday that really challenged me and is causing me to be introspective about some things. I was with Mandie at Barnes and Noble yesterday, and we were just browsing through the Christian book section. As we browsed through the books and talked about different things, she was looking at some books on marriage. She had made the statement, that she needed to read some more books on marriage, because she didn't feel very prepared. Then she posed this question, "How did people handle marriage without all of the books on the subject?" My response was, "They just relied on God."

Now, I didn't really put a whole lot more thought into it the rest of the day, but as I was making my rounds tonight at work, that conversation was brought back to the fore front of my mind. It's really a great question that I believe can go with any subject of life, and I think it should be thought about more often. Let me explain. If you are human, than you deal with a plethora of situations and trials. I like a how a friend of mine put it when He was teaching on the book of James. James 1:2 says, "Count it all joy, my brothers, [2] when you meet trials of various kinds, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness." When he discussed the first part of that verse, he interchanged the word "various" with "multi-colored". Kind of implying just the wide range of the types of trials that we can go through. I don't want to make such a blanket statement for everyone, so I will make this a little more personal.

I start by posing this question, " When encountered by the "multi- colored" situations in life, what is the first thing that you run to for guidance?" That's the question that was really brought to my mind from my earlier conversation with Mandie. Very convicting for me. When it comes to wanting to know more about a situation, i usually tend to do one or both of two things. I either find a book on it, or I go and ask someone. Now don't here me say that it is wrong to to read books on any given subject, or to ask for advice. These are both wonderful resources that I believe the Lord gives us to help us in our walk, but that is the thing. They are only resources. They are not to have the final say so in our lives. That's where I think the danger can come in.

Many times I tend to run to these things and make them my authority. Most of that is out of pure laziness. It's easy to see what someone else says on a subject, and if it doesn't seem to go against what Scripture says, than I go with it. What a terrible to go about things! I tend to put my faith in the wisdom of man and not in the Truth. Going back to the conversation, how do I learn about marriage without a book or someone to tell me? The question I pose is what can't I learn about marriage in Scripture?

" How do I love my wife?" You must be willing to give yourself up for her, wash her in the Word, love her like you love yourself as it says in Ephesians 5
"How do I lead my wife?" You learn to serve her. To be a leader, you must learn to be a servant.
That's just a couple of examples. What about handling finances? The Scripture is full of principles on finances.What it comes down to is this. My Father needs to be the first person I go to when I have a question about life. He needs to be the last person, the final authority on my decisions. Human advice and other books should be be the in between, but only after I've spent time seeking the Lord and His wisdom. He may send me to some other source for the answer, but it has to go through Him first. I want Him to be my first love, the one one that I run to first. Not only when I have problems or need something, but also to share about the joys of my life. He's not there only to give when we feel we are in need, but I think that He wants us to share every moment with Him, that we might praise His name!
So who do you run to first when you need to to find guidance? Where do you put your faith? Is it in man? Or is it in the One, the Truth, who has the answer? May the Lord give me grace in this area, that I might seek Him first in all that I do.

God's Faithfulness

2008-12-05T07:00:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to take some time and write about the goodness and faithfulness of my Lord and to praise His name! I was registering for classes online today and only signed up for 2 one credit classes. This was because I didn't quite have the money. I already had to drop classes this fall due to money, which was a good thing because it allowed me to do a little catching up.(Which I also praise Him for for teaching me financial discipline) So... I registered online for my 2 classes and called accounting to see how much i owed so that I could set up my monthly payment plan and he said that I had about $1100 credit! I asked how that was possible and he told me that my brothers and sisters from my church back home had sent about $1200 last March! I didn't even know about it! I could have taken classes this fall, but my Father's timing is perfect, because this couldn't have come at a more perfect time. Since I am getting married in June, one of the things my wonderful fiancee and I have been talking about is how are we going to take care of some things financially. on top of paying for the 2 classes and living. But God. Probably 2 of my favorite words in scripture. But God knew our needs and in His perfect timing provided some relief to our financial needs this semester.
I really feel for those who refuse to see the goodness of our Lord in situations. I just can't see how people can see such a sovereign Lord work in such specific ways and not praise His name! Well...this person was just shown again today that in spite of my faithlessness and often worrisome attitude, I have a Heavenly Father who is good and faithful provides for my needs, not my wants necessarily, but what He knows I need. I just give Him all the glory. Praise the name of Jesus!!!!

Engagement Pics 2

2008-11-09T21:20:00.001-08:00

Here are the rest of the pics. These are not all of them. There were a lot of pictures taken, but these are some of my favorites. Again...Enjoy!!!

Engagement Pics

2008-11-09T21:12:00.000-08:00

So...here are some photots from two of our most beloved photographers, Jason White and Amber Bowen. There are quite a few pictures, so I am going to have to break them up over a couple of posts. Enjoy!

God's Provision

2008-11-03T21:03:00.000-08:00

I don't know how many times I find myself worrying about different things in my life. I sometimes worry about how am I gonna get enough gas to get me to my next payday. Sometimes it's worrying about how I'm gonna get a bill paid. Now even more so than before, I worry at times because it's not only me that I have to think about, but I have someone that I am going to spend the rest of my life with. So sometimes those thoughts go to worrying if I'm going to make the right decision or can I provide for my family the way I'm called to.

Now, I know that worrying is a sin. The scriptures say to , "Be anxious for nothing...", so I am in no way trying to justify my sin. I know that there are some who don't necessarily look at worry in that light. They may try to pass it off as just a personality trait, " I'm just a worrier. It's who I am," but if you look at what Paul tells us in Philippians 4, the call to "Be anxious for nothing..." doesn't seem like a suggestion. It seems mpre like a command.

I know that when I am worrying, I am sinning, and that calls for just as much repentence as does any other sin in my life. Why do I find myslef trying to justify my sin? We tend to want to make certain sins look less like sin, and unfortunately that happens in the church. We tend to want to put on a mask of holiness and hide our sin as opposed to looking to the holiness of God to reveal our sin. What do we have to hide? Who are we hiding from?

If we are hiding from man, that just creates more sin. The word tells us, " And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell," (Matt. 10:28), as well as ,"The fear of man lays a snare..." (Proverbs 29:25). So we are jsut adding to uor hypocrasy.

If we are trying to hide from God....well.... He already knows our sin. So again I ask, What are we hiding from? Why should I try and justify my worry rather than recognizing it as what it is, sin, and repenting and seeking to put on what Christ calls me to. Faith, and trust in Him.

So that brings me to Matthew 6. As I said earlier, I worry about things, wondering how thesse things are going to be met or to happen, or whatever. But you know, Christ says that the Gentiles seek after these things. Their only focus is how they can have their needs met. What do they have to do, how much more do they have to work. But then Christ says that even though these things are sought after by the Gentiles, your Heavenly Father knows that you need these things. Who knows better than Him what my needs are? No one. So we are not to seek after these things.

What are we to seek after than? We are to seek after Him and His rightousness first. FIRST. Not after all other attempts have failed to meet our own needs, but seek Him first. This brings a couple of thoughts to my mind. After Jesus had just finished talking with the women at the well in John 4, the disciples came and tried to get Him to eat, and He said to them, I have food that you don't know about." "My food is to do the will of Him who sent me and to accomplish His work."

I think this idea is found as well in Deuteronomy 8 :1-10. When Moses is exhorting the Isrealites to remember God. He tells them that Man does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. He reminds them about how their shoes never wore out, and how he provided manna and quail for them to eat. There is something so much more substanative and meaningful than the food we eat or the clothes we wear.

We are to eat our fill of the Lord and His word. as we do that, He will, as Christ reminds us in Matt. 6, add all these other things to us.

I've just been thinking about this today as I wondered and worried how a bill was going to be paid. And as I cried out to God today, I cried something that I've never quite cried before. Usually when I find myself in a tight spot, I ask Him to provide and bring me out of it. Now the situation that I am coming out of financially, I put myself in over some unwise choices in the past. The Lord allowed me to see that today. So as I cried to Him today my cry wasn't, "Lord, give me the means to get out of this." That is just plain lazy and selfish thinking. My cry was, "Lord increase my faith through this. give me the grace to endure the consequences of whatever past decisions I have made. I jsut want to be able to glorify You through this situation and be drawn closer to You." I didn't want the easy way out. I want and need to be refined through this situation so that I might learn more about who my Father is and who I am in Christ. I wnat to be taught how to first go to Him seeking to find rest and carry His yoke.

Would I like for Him to provide? Yes, and I do pray for that. Is it scary to think what if He doesn't in this situation? Absolutely. But He is God, and He is good, and He is soverign. What I want more than anything is to come through this time with joy, walking hand in hand with my Father, and knowing Him all the more.

Pics

2008-10-23T13:39:00.000-07:00

So here are a few pics that were taken this past sunday.

Alan was very happy for us!

This is my favorite picture of the two of us.

She seems just a little nervous.

But it's ok. I think she's a little surprised now!

Us posing.

The ring(and Denise Miller's back)

a New Journey...

2008-10-19T20:38:00.000-07:00

So... this blog is about my journey through life. Well,...as of yesterday morning, I have the great joy of beginning a new journey in my life. I am getting married. She(Mandie) is the most womderful woman in the world, and it has been a great year and a half of waiting upon the Lord for timing and guidance. He has taught me so much about being patient, though I will always have a lot to learn in that area. So now it's time to begin the planning process, the saving process, and all sorts of other things in preparation for our wedding. So whoever may be out there that reads this, we would greatly covet your prayers as we begin a new and wonderfu; chapter in our lives.

Oh... as soon as I get pics, they will go up!

Convictions and Confessions

2008-10-10T19:15:00.000-07:00

What a blessing it is to me that the times that I have wandered from the arms of my Father, He uses others to lovingly bring me back. I was talking to the maintenance guy here at work, Frankie, and through the conversation I was telling him about going to school and what I was studying, and then he just started talking about the Lord.

He is a Gideon, and the Lord really used him to show me some things in my own life. Here is this guy, just excited about pleasing the Lord in all that he does. He told me that nothing that we do matters unless it is being done for the Lord. He was also talking about handing out bibles, and telling those people about Jesus.

That's where the Lord has started working on me and revealing to me my sin. I started asking myself, when's the last time I've really told someone about Jesus? When's the last time I made an effort to witness to someone? Unfortunately it has been a while.Have I been truly burdened for the lost recently? No. I have been stuck in my own little world. Keith Green has a song called "Make My Life A Prayer" The beginning of the chorus says, " I want to thank You now, for being patient with me. Lord it's so hard to see, when my eyes are on me." That's where my eyes have been. On me.

Mandie and I have been reading through the Bible together with the goal of reading the whole thing, which I must say former attempts for me usually ended about halfway through Exodus. I'm only in Dueteronomy right now, but so far I have really been seeing a common theme throughout. It's been set by this reoccuring phrase, "I am the Lord Your God."

There is obviously a point that He is making to the Isrealites as they continually forget what He has done for them. There is none other than Him. Moses tells the people in Deuteronomy 4:7, "For what great nation is there that has a god so near to it as the Lord our God is to us, whenever we call upon Him?" Also in Deuteronomy 4:39, "... the Lord is God in heaven above and on the earth beneath; there is no other." (Italics added)

I serve not only a great and powerful and holy God, but one that is personal and loving as well. Christ said that He came to give us life and life more abundant. I've received so many blessings and such a wonderful gift from my Father, why wouldn't I want to tell everyone that I meet about Him? Because I'm too absorbed with self to do so.

Lord, please remove the blinders of self that I've placed over my eyes. I want to see a workd that is desperately in need of You and to ahve the strength and boldness to tell them. I want to share the hope that You gave to me and share the love that set me free. I want to proclaim from the rooftops the glory of my Lord Jesus. Amen

Prayer

2008-09-07T21:18:00.000-07:00

I was reading an intro to E.M. Bounds book Prayer and Praying Men. In this particular intro, it was comparing Bounds to Charles Wesley. Here are a few things that were said that caught my attention.

"Wesley was of the sweetest and most forgiving disposition, but when aroused he was a man of the “keenest penetration with a gift of speech that bit like the stroke of a whip.” Bounds was meek and humble, and never did we know him to retaliate upon any of his enemies. He cried over them and wept praying for them early and late."

"Wesley was preaching and riding all day. Bounds was praying and writing day and night."

"Wesley at eighty-six could still preach on the streets for thirty minutes. Bounds was able at seventy-five in the first hour of the fourth watch to pray for three hours upon his knees."

"Wesley said, “The World is my parish.” Bounds prayed as if the universe was his zone."

As I read these statements, it made me think about my own prayer life. Here is a man whose life was driven to prayer. His only desire, it seemed was to seek the face of the Father. What is my greatest desire? Is it to pray as if the universe is my zone? Here is a man who could spend three hours on is knees at 75. I don't spend near that at 27. What a humbling, and convicting thought.
Lord, give me a greater desire for prayer. Make my life a life devoted to prayer...devoted to You.

Revival

2008-08-30T18:14:00.001-07:00

Here are some powerful testimonies from two people who have experienced revival and the move of God in a powerful way in their own lives as wells as their countries.
The first is of a Romanian Pastor Josef Tson. The Second from a Scottish woman Mary Peckham.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3075045454646550817

http://www.sermonindex.net/modules/mydownloads/visit.php?lid=650

Follow Me...

2008-08-10T23:34:00.000-07:00

Y'all might have to bear with me on this one. It's a little long, but just some things I've been pondering over today. This morning our passage at church was out of Matthew 9:9-13, where Jesus calls Matthew to follow Him. Ryan talked about the seriousness of that call to follow Jesus, and he said that if we are to follow Jesus, we need to follow Jesus. As Ryan said, it may sound a little redundant, but there is definitely a difference in doing something(by word only) and doing something( in word and in action).
That just got me thinking today about what it truly means to follow Him, the implications of that call, and the results of following that call. These are the words of our Lord in the book of Luke 14:26-27:

If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father, and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple. Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple.

To me, that really shows the seriousness of the words, "...follow Me." Jesus does not mess around. It is not an easy gospel that we are called to follow. And the crazy thing is( at least to those who don't follow, and I'm sure to some that do) as Ryan pointed out this morning we are told in Luke 5: 28-29, there was a joy in Matthew to that call. He immediately began to follow Him. The scripture said that he (Matthew) gave a big reception at his house for the Lord.

The rest of the chapter in Luke 14 after verse 27 has Jesus talking about counting the costs of discipleship, again showing the weightiness of the call. Jesus tells them what following Him will cost, but He just doesn't leave it there, He seems to make it harder. He really wants them to weigh out the consequences of their decision. This is not going to be an easy road, especially considering the times of oppression that they are already living in.

As I continued to think on this, I've been reading throughout the book of Romans, and I don't think anyone had a better understanding to follow Christ than did Paul. Paul starts off that book with," Paul, a bond-servant of Christ Jesus, called as an apostle, set apart for the gospel of God." Initially I would look at that just as a typical salutation, Paul telling who he is and laying out his credentials. In a sermon by John Piper, he says Paul's isn't just telling us who he is, but whose he is. So as I was thinking on this verse I was thinking about the very beginning where he makes the statement that he is a bond servant or slave of Christ. One who follows his Master's every call. So I thought and wondered how closely that brief statement was related to Jesus' call of Matthew to follow Him.

We are shown in Acts 9:11-16 the results of following Christ. Jesus tells Ananias to go to Damascus to meet Saul of Tarsus, because Saul had a vision of of a man named Ananias coming to him and laying hands on him so that he might regain his sight. When Ananias showed some hesitation due to Saul's reputation of persecuting those following , The Way, Jesus explains how He has been chosen as an instrument of Christ to go to the gentiles, kings, and sons of Israel(...set apart for the gospel of God Rom 1:1) and that he,Saul, will know what it means to suffer for the name of Christ. Kind of a scary result for following Christ.

As I thought about that I asked myself, that call to suffering, was it only for Paul and his specific circumstance, or is that a general call, because you see Paul lay out in II Corinthians 11 the sufferings that he went through for the name of Christ. Then the Lord brought me to Philippians 1:29-30, " For to you it has been granted for Christ's sake, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for His sake, experiencing the same conflict which you saw in me, and now here to be in me."

This brought some more question's to my mind. First, obviously there is the fact that he is talking specifically to the Philippians, but how does that apply to me? If it does, and I want to be careful how I question this because I do believe in the complete inerrency of the Scripture, but how literal is this suffering that I have to go through for the sake of Christ? I know that those were some more violent times for believers. Any thoughts on these would be greatly appreciated.

"...Follow Me." What a call. Not one to be taken lightly. How often do I count the cost of what I'm called to? I pray that the Lord would continue to show me what it is to follow Him and when those times of suffering come into my life for the name of Christ that I would be able to as James said, " Consider it all joy...", for my God is great to greatly to be praised. I end with this song just glorifying the name of Jesus.

Jesus Jesus Jesus There's just something about that name Master Savior Jesus Like a fragrance after the rain Jesus Jesus Jesus Let all heaven and earth proclaim Kings and kingdoms may all pass away But there's something about that name.

What type of fruit am I yielding?

2008-07-06T18:36:00.000-07:00

I've been doing a little thinking today,it hurts doing too much, and there's a lot that I've heard today that has caused me to be very introspective. The message in church today was on Matthew 7:15-20. The passage deals with recognizing false prophets. Jesus likens them to wolves in sheep's clothing, but then He goes on to say that we will know them by their fruit. He explains that a good tree will bear good fruit, and likewise with a bad tree, which bears bad fruit. Admittedly, and ashamedly, I sat there just thinking that this was another good message, but it was like the Lord said, "Oh no, I'm not going to leave you there, you have something you need to learn from this," and sure enough, He showed me. Where the teaching came in was during our church's time of sharing at the end of the message. One of my pastor's got and shared what he had been learning through his study of this passage this week. He said that as he looked at this passage, he asked himself that if the Lord were to cut him open, would the good fruit be there. He shared that it would not and the conviction that came with that answer. He then said something that was, to me, very profound and needed in my life. He said that if we felt conviction, don't just sit there saying, "That was a good message," or, "That was convicting," and do nothing about it. Wow. As I sit here writing this, I feel like those at the day of Pentecost after Peter's first message. The Word says in Acts 2:37-38a, "Now when they heard this, they were pierced to the heart, and said to Peter and the rest of the apostles, ' Brethren, what shall we do?' and Peter said, ' Repent...'" The Lord, through my pastor's few words, spoke a very much needed message to my heart.
"Look at the fruit in your life. Is it a fruit in keeping with repentance? If not, REPENT! Turn your eyes back towards Me! Set aside the things which you have become encumbered by and take my yoke, which is light, upon you and I will show the life that is more abundant, the life which I have given you." What a powerful message the Lord spoke to me, one that I pray for His grace and strength to live by.
Another thing that was talked about today was the love of the Father in our lives. The scripture reading today was out of the 4th chapter of the book of I John. As our pastor prayed this morning, he asked the Lord to teach us to love as He loves. As I think about that, I ask myself, " How do we learn to love like that?" I think the answer is by prayer. A deep intimate seeking of His face. One passage that has always been dear to my heart is Jeremiah 29;12-13. The Lord says, " Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek me and find Me, when you search for me with all of your heart." What a wonderful promise! A promise of intimacy with Him! It's out of that relationship that His love in us will desire to overflow out of our loves and into the lives of others. It's through that relationship that His love will allow us to love out enemies as Christ calls us to in Matthew 5:43-48. John Piper said in his book Desiring God, "If the pump of love runs dry, it is because the pipe of prayer isn't deep enough." What a profound thought, to me anyways, that it's through prayer and gaining that sweet, intimate relationship with my Daddy, that the love He calls me to is possible. Prayer is such a vital part in our walks. Jeremiah Lanfier, one of the initiators of the 3rd Great Awakening of our country had this on his handbill calling those to come and pray in 1857,
How often shall we pray? As often as the language of prayer is in my heart;
as often as I see my need of help; as often as I feel the power of temptation;
as often as I am made sensible of any spiritual declension or feel the aggression
of a worldly spirit.
I believe he had a firm understanding of Paul's words , " pray without ceasing." So as I look at that fruit in my life, do I see it there? Again, ashamedly no. I am glad that the Lord never leaves us just in conviction. I've heard it said that when the devil brings conviction, he ends it with a period, leaving us in guilt. The Lord on the other hand brings conviction, but gives us the opportunity to rectify the situation. I leave this word of the Lord as a rebuke, challenge, and encouragement to myself and others that may read this post.

Repent, therefore and return, that your sins may be wiped away, in order that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord.

Acts 3:19

Where to start...

2008-05-27T17:57:00.000-07:00

So I think that it is definitely time to post another blog. It has been a while. It's hard to figure out where to begin. The Lord has been teaching me so much, some of it, I must admit, I'm a little slow to put into practice. For the past few months, there had been a lot of tension between myself and one of my roommates. The problem was that my pride was not allowing me to see it. It's amazing how many heads that pride carries. I think that maybe we have a presupposition of what pride is supposed to look like, but it has so many subtleties. So many ways of sneaking into our lives. Well my pride was causing a spiritual blindness in my life. Due to the fact that I didn't wnat to think I was worng in any situation, I allowed bitterness and anger to take root in my life. Mainly because I couldn't be at fault. Well that added to the tension. On top of the laziness that I was expressing in my house. In that, I believe that fueled a lot of the anxiety I had been feeling, and maybe some of the health issues due to stress. I was feeling spiritually dry, I had completely lost focus of what the Lord had called me down here to do. I was told that I had lost my joy and seemed depressed. That was the begining point of the Lord revealing to me what was going on in my life. Well I was able to repent of that sin I had been carrying in my life, and was able to talk to my roommate and sort some stuff out. Everything that he had told me was true and I couldn't refute it. I was able to seek his forgiveness and things have been going a lot better. The Lord reminded me of Philippians 2:3-4 which says, Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." I was definitely not doing this. I had become so self-absorbed that I was not think of those around me.
The biggest reason, I think, for this sin coming into my life was my lack of seeking the Lord, the lack of spending time with my Daddy. I have really missed the intimate fellowship that I had previously shared with the Lord. I was reading today in Romans 12 and it talks about presnting ourselves as a living sacrifice, one that is holy and acceptable to God. That is my spiritual worship, the Word says. I was not allowing my mind to be renewed. the chapter goes on to say,
"Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection.Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.
Now I've had the time yet to fully study out this passage, but there is so much that speaks to me in the first reading of it. It says to, "Let love be genuine..." Is my love for other people one that truly comes from a wellspring of love for Christ or is it only a facade? What are my motives in loving people? The Word also says, "Do not be slothful on zeal, be fervent in spirit." How fervent is my spirit? Is my joy for my Savior such that it can't help but express and share itself? I want to be so saturated in Christ that His Spirit spills out of me for all the worls to see and enjoy. It continues to say, ...be constant in prayer." What has my prayer life been like?Have I been communing with my Lord? Have I been feasting on the bread of eternal life that my Lord Jesus offers?.
These are all jsut some questions that I pose to myself. C.H. Spurgeon said that, " Love comes when self dies." Lord I want to continually die to myself daily that Your love may continually come through me, and that it would be Your strength, grace, and Spirit that gets me through each day. Lord I pray that my life would be one of worship, and prayer, and glory to You, that You may be honored in every aspect of my life. Please give me the strength to be constantly surrendered to You.

I need to be desperate for Him

2008-02-01T21:41:00.000-08:00

God has really been showing me lately how dependant I've become on myself. For 3 years I travelled in a ministry called Life Action. It was through this ministry that God used to disciple me. There was so much that I learned about living by faith and trusting in Him for all my needs. Over the past year it seems like I've turned into the church of Ephesus in the since of the warning Christ gave them. After he finished commending the church, He gave them this warning, "But one things I have against you. That you left your first love."(paraphrased) It's interesting to hear people talk how they've fallen into something,"I've fallen into sin," or whatever. I think that can be such a cop out. Not taking full responsibility for the situation at hand. If you look at the passage in Revelation 2, Christ didn't tell the church that they've fallen from their first love. He said they LEFT it. There seems to be a choice. So in light of that as I look at Where I've been over the past year and a half I look at my lack of faith, ny trying to do things in my own strength, my lack of dependence, etc., I've willingly left my first love. That's such a hard thing to look at as I write it. Especially as I look back over all that He has provided for me, what He has saved me from and to, how could I willingly walk from that? I've been doing a lot of questioning in my life about my walk, asking myself about what my passion is, what is driving my walk, an di t would be terrible if I left it at me willing turning.

But here is the beautiful thing. Christ didn't stop at that warning. He told them to REPENT! Such a difficult word, yet so much beauty in it. There is no doubt that we have a God who is holy, and just, and a judge, but He is also forgiving and merciful. God has been showing me to repent. There is a story about the brethren in Romania during the Cold War. They were known as the Repenters. and it is said that when the Repenters began repenting, The Lord delivered them from the oppression they were under.

As I've been on this journey, one passage that I've been trying to meditate on quite frequently is Psalm 119. I read that and see such a desperation. A desperation for Him and His word. As I've been seeking for the strength to turn back that I might bask in His glory, I've been seeking for a desperation for Him. I want my life to be completely saturated with Christ. I want Christ to ooze out of every pore of my body. I want to be able to say with Paul, "To live is Christ..."

Transparency...

2008-01-09T20:18:00.000-08:00

Transparency. What a frightening word. I was listening to this comedian today that was talking about how the only way to manage a relationship is by lying. When you meet someone new, you are not meeting that person, you are meeting that person's representative. That was thought provoking to me. How true that seems to be in my life. I was talking with my room mate last night and he was talking about the church and the whole idea of community and was saying that one of the problems we see in the church is the lack of honesty with one another of who we are. We are called to encourage one another, rebuke one another, teach one another and so on. How are we to do this or have this done to us if we are not open with one another? Why is this such a struggle? Why is it so hard for us to truly open up about who we are. It seems that we are always so willing to share the good that God has done in our lives.Yet why are we so afraid to share the things we are wrestling and struggling with?

I say we, but I am throwing myself at the forefront of this. Why am I say so afraid. Proverbs 29:25 says that, "The fear of man lays a snare..." I am afraid of man. Man's perception of me. "What are they going to think about me?" Is this a legitimate fear? More so than that, is this something we should have to deal with in the church? Would I maybe be more open to share knowing that the church would be first foremost there to encourage, pray, and guide? Not to say that there shouldn't be rebuke, though that should be done out of love, but there should be a sense of understanding with our brothers and sisters to the extent that there is an understanding of what we are dealing with and they are there to guide and pray and point us back to the path of Christ. I think that James 5 13-20 really shows that. The church should there to help one another in each other's walk with Christ. Not condemn and judge them because one's struggle might seem worse than what we are struggling with at the time. I'm not talking about any church in particular, these are just thoughts that were running through my head. I could be completely wrong and if that's the case may the Lord show me that I might have the right idea.

All that said, I don't want to be a hypocrite. I have a fear of man. As much as I desire to be open and honest and transparent, I'm not always. I might give an abridged version of what I am dealing with. Why? Because I don't want to always let someone in due to what they might think about me. It's a continual struggle, to lay down my pride, and let the walls around my heart fall for all to see. I think a lot of it has to due with surrender. Surrender brings such a state of vulnerability. Especially full surrender before Christ. We have to be willing to lift our hands and completely open ourselves up to His control. Which is such a hard thing to do in our flesh.
This is one of the things God has been teaching me lately. To be completely and totally surrendered to Him in all areas of my life. I am by no means there. Daily surrender is a constant battle, but it is a necessary battle and one that I am willing and will continually battle until the day that my Daddy calls me home. Till then I will wrestle, hoping that with each day I can gain a more intimate relationship with Him and hopefully through this blog as the Lord brings me to greater surrender, I will be able to be more open. More transparent...letting the walls down for all to see my joys, my hardships, and more importantly more of Christ in me.

My first blog

2007-04-05T22:53:00.000-07:00

This is my forst blog here on blogger. It's late and I have no idea what to write, so I'll leave it to this. Have a wonderful weekend.